Hi guys –
I really feel like we recently had a 24 hour window that really summed up your personalities, as well as the inter-relationships within our family quite well. Let me explain -
The other night, I got stuck at work a little later than usual. Because I was going to miss your bedtime anyway, I texted Ely that I was going to head to the gym, but I’d be back before Mason’s bedtime. Well, through a combination of strong tailwinds on the boat and my own laziness, the boat got in early and I decided to skip the gym and head straight home in time to put you guys down. Here's how the rest of the night went:
7:00 pm: I walk in the door. Mason says, “mommy, YOU’RE HOME! Ely said you weren’t going to be home until after the girls’ bedtime.” I explained that was the plan, but I got home early. “You did? You mean you left work early so you could spend time with us?”
Because that was the easiest explanation, I just said answered “yes”. Mason, you replied, “OH THANK YOU MOMMY! Thank you for missing work so you could hang out with us. You’re the best mommy ever!
7:01 – 7:09 pm: I silently contemplate what Mason wants and wonder why he’s buttering me up. Hmmmm.
7:10 pm: There’s an envelope addressed to Quinn and Hayden that came home from school. God forbid you let me open it. Instead you argued over who was going to open it, and then decided to open it together. You each worked one side until a birthday invitation from one of your most favorite classmates was freed. You were elated. Then I noticed that the party is a fashion dress up party, and I thought to myself “uh oh, this is SO not Quinn’s jam”. Then I spotted a little handwritten note that said, “E. tells me Quinn really likes superheroes. Maybe she would like to bring some of her favorite costumes with her?”
I can’t tell you how much I love this mom right now. Quinn loves playing with girls her own age and E is one of her most favorite people in the whole world. She would have been devastated if she hadn’t been invited. And, although she gravitates toward "boy" stuff, she still loves playing with girls… she just doesn’t want to be forced to wear a dress while doing it. Of course, when I relayed to Quinn that she could bring superhero costumes, she had a huge meltdown, “BUT MOMMY, I NEED A SWORD AND A SHIELD?!?!?!” I had to explain that, generally speaking, swords were frowned upon at birthday parties.
7:11 pm: The following interaction takes place.
Quinn: Can Macey come to the party?
Mason: [in a super high pitched sweet sing-songy voice] No Quinnie, I'm sorry, this is a party for four year olds.
Q: [melting down] BUT I WANT MACEY TO COME TO THE PARTY! [Huuuuuuuuge sobs]
[the two of them entwine themselves in a hug. And Mase rubs Quinn’s back]
M: It’s ok Quinnie. [long pause. Thoughtful look. And yes, they’re still full-body hugging….]
Hey mommy, is this a party where the grownups stay and watch? If so, maybe I could go and stay with the grown-ups and watch Quinnie. Quinnie, would you like that?
It was so sweet and over-dramatic in a way that typing it doesn’t do justice, but Ely and I were beside ourselves laughing at the cuteness of it all and how obsessed you two are with one another.
7:30-8:00: Epic bedtime battles.
Q: Scratch my baaaaaaaack.
H: I need to tell you something!!! I need water!!!!
Me: Oh for the love of holy mother-effer, gd, a-holes, sh*T, F^ck grrrr….
(Ok, that last part was just my inner monologue. I don’t say holy mother-effer in front of my kids. At least, not often.)
8:00-8:30: Read The Absent Author, one of the A to Z Mystery books, to Mason. Two chapters left in the book. Mase read the first few pages. It took 20 minutes. I read the next 30 because a) I’m incredibly impatient, and b) I couldn’t wait to find out who kidnapped Wallace Wallis. That shit is suspenseful!
Somewhere around 3:00 am: [Loud thud] Hayden yelled “Mommy!!! Quinn needs you!!!! She fell out of the bed!!!!”
I went into your room to check things out. I picked you back up and tucked you back into bed. As I laid down, I realized I would be asleep in about 2 minutes and quite frankly, your bed is really uncomfortable so I made a critical, critical error in judgment. I invited the two of you to come into my bed. D’oh, what in holy hell was I thinking?!? I had FINALLY gotten you out of the habit of coming in my bed every night. I know, I know. I am a weak, weak person with terrible judgment.
We went into my room. Quinn, you quickly got settled, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Hayden, you thrashed around like a wild caged monkey. I was laying in between you too – which is incredibly claustrophobic for me. Weird fact: I really can’t sleep unless my feet are out of the covers, preferably hanging over the side of the bed. Being trapped between the two brings on the kind of anxiety I’d experience trapped in an elevator with ten 300 lb men. I waited until I thought you were both sleeping and then tried to slink out of bed, with intentions of re-entering on my normal side. Even if I only had 2” on the very edge of the bed, it’s at least 2” where I feel like I can breathe.
Hayden, not surprisingly, you woke up immediately. I tried to say I was just going to that bathroom. You didn’t buy it, threw a fit, and insisted I get back in bed. You thrashed wildly, hitting me in the face, which considering you gave me a black eye a few days ago, really pissed me off. I stormed out of bed into the bathroom. I was mostly pissed at myself for bringing you in to bed. (Ok, I was a little pissed at you for being a wild animal with no concept of personal space and how not to injure someone during one of your tantrums.) You came after me crying and screaming because I left the bed.
I took a few deep breaths, collected myself, put you back in my bed, and then slid into bed in my normal spot. Quinn, you stared at me with wide open eyes and a blank stare. Your stare was so blank that for a brief second, I thought you weren’t breathing and maybe you hit your head or something when you fell out of bed. Parents think of weird shit at 3:00 am. When I reached out to touch your chest though, you just rolled over in a huff. A few seconds later all was quiet and I thought I was in the clear. I was wrong. Three or four minutes passed, and then heard the saddest, most pathetic sniffle.
Me: “Quinnie, what’s wrong baby?”
Q: “You’re only snuggling with Hayden, not me…”
That touched on the mom guilt nerve real quick, so I hopped over Hayden and re-took my spot in the middle of the bed with Hayden sprawled on top of me and within reach to scratch your back – not too hard, not too soft. Somewhere around 4:30 or 5 I think I fell back asleep.
7:00 am: Mason woke up and came into bed, and then somehow convinced you guys to go downstairs and get all the ipads.
7:02 am: Loud thud.
7:03 am: Back in my room, Quinn crying. “We can’t reach the ipads!!! The knives are in the way” (to be specific, the knife block was in the way – I don’t actually keep the kids toys guarded by dangerous household accessories. Though, I suppose if it was the knife block that fell over, there’s a good chance my Wustoff knives are now spread all over my kitchen counter/floor. I opted not to explore that possibility mentally)
7:04 am: Hayden: “I can get them, I’ll just use a stool!”
Before I have time to piece together what I’ve just been told – knife block, stool, ipads, 4 year old Hayden who climbs like a monkey - Hayden had already returned – not bleeding, thankfully - happily toting an entire Apple store’s worth of electronics.
7:05 – 7:15 am: ten blissful minutes of you all playing Lego racer on your electronics, showing off the various prizes you collected on the way, and me desperately, desperately trying to convince myself to get out of bed.
At least once a day, I think to myself the following things:
- I’m so screwed.
- I’m so tired.
- I’m so lucky.
I love you guys. Xoxo, mommy